Archive for funkytuna

Hot Tub Time Machine 2

It’s been a while, so I thought I’d get back into the swing with something I was utterly looking forward to.

Hot Tub Time Machine 2


It was shit.

I can’t really leave it at that, though that’s pretty much all it deserves.

There may be some spoilers in this article, though the only thing that really spoils the movie is actually watching it.

Ok, in all seriousness maybe because I was such a fan of the first movie and I had such high hopes that I fell from that sky scraper of an expectation onto footpath of concrete reality… wooooosh….BLurrtk!!

I must admit that the first Hot Tub Time Machine wasn’t exactly cinematic brilliance but it was along the same lines as Better Off Dead and it took me back to my childhood so I ended up loving it. It had character and some quirky awesomeness not to mention John Cusack who while has been in some completely balls up decisions of movies has also done some kick arse movies. High Fidelity, Grosse Pointe Blank, Say Anything, Stand By Me and Sixteen Candles.

Lou (Rob Corrdry) was a great secondary character in number one, but he couldn’t cut it as a main focus of the second movie, and the movie completely lost direction without Adam (John Cusack). Half the movie the characters referred Cusack’s character only for him to appear right at the end and then disappear equally as quick. The movie was crass without being funny crass, it was unimaginative, it had haphazard writing/script and completely came across as having “Let’s make another one because we can” vibe.

There were about 2 things that I liked about the movie, a Choice cameo by Lisa Loeb and a quick entrance and exit of John Cusack, his exit is how I felt watching the movie.

I’m sorry to bring you such a downer of a review, but do yourself a favour watch anything but this.



A night on the town with the girls.

It’s been a monumental time leading up to Christmas and beyond, functions, New Years, Christmas, Boxing Day and not to mention the other sneaky squirrel little nights out, and in, that was able to be had over time, so the decision to go out and have a night out on Australia Day Eve wasn’t an easy decision come by. Firstly there was finances. Second there was baby sitters. And third… Well third was my health, that was third because.. well… I’d just had a week and a half family holiday doing theme parks without much alcohol….

That was it. Decided. BOGAN NIGHT OUT!!!

girls night

Venue – Hallam Hotel
Time – 8:30 pm till …
Entertainment – Tribute bands of Midnight Oil, Cold Chisel and INXS.
Attendees – Chris, Bec, Megan & Alissa
Fun rating – 10

The day started out relaxed… Visiting family, kids, lunch… you know… typical weekend. After leaving the kids and a bit of stuffing around Megan was picked up and a quick trip to Brother Dan’s the night was on. Throughout the next couple of hours a mixture of Champagne, Beer, UDL’s, Jagermeister and Tequila was consumed, then we left the house.


Arriving at the Hallam, we could hear in the back room the Oil’s were playing. Now I am certain that they played more than a couple of song’s, but about this time the 2 bottles of champagne, Jagermeister and beer that was just had kicked in. Pushing our way through the crowd with not just a few angry looks we made it to near the front. For the next several hours the bands belted out songs and at the top our lungs we sung (screamed) to the musical genius of Midnight Oil, Cold Chisel and INXS. Songs like Bed are Burning, US Forces, Cheap Wine, Flame Tree’s, New Sensation and Devil Inside were sung with such reverence that it made angels weep.

20150125_221916_resized 20150125_221919_resized

The evening wasn’t just band music, music supply by the wheels of steel (metaphorically speaking due to the digital nature of music these days), More beers and dancing, bringing inspiration from Fred Astaire himself by swinging onto the dance floor random strangers. As the night rolled on all four individuals were pressed by the opposite sex, but all too busy in our own worlds only a few were worthy of any response and none broke into our closed little circle.


Finishing up the evening with a vague recollection of Uptown Funk playing and being kicked off the podium, followed by someone saying “It’s time to go home” which I think was one of us?? leaving the establishment the bouncer said “If you leave you can’t come back”, at this point all I could muster was a “Meh…” and after a night such as this….can you blame me?

20150126_005101_resized 20150126_005027_resized 20150126_005233_resized 20150125_230329_resized 20150126_005439_resized 20150126_005443_resized 20150126_005500_resized 20150126_005504_resized 20150126_005528_resized 20150125_230252_resized 20150125_223413_resized

The trip home I don’t believe was eventful…. wait… maybe there was a point where Rebecca vomitted into Megan’s makeup purse… Did that happen??? …… Yeah it did…

Until next time folks, make sure you don’t miss out!




Quick Post – Elysium

I’ve just put up an article on the Walking Dead which you really should read, brilliant article…I mean show. Now I just need a quick rant on the movie Elysium.

What the hell is going on at the end of Elysium? So everything goes really well for everyone on earth, not so much for Max (Matt Damon) but shit happens, he’s a bit of a tool anyway…seriously if the T1000 was after Max/Matt he would be toast,  so all that aside…. Worlds been saved, everyone on Elysium got the rough end of the stick but hey they had it too good for too long. Everyone on earth becomes a citizen, great, now here is my gripe. The Elysium robot “system” sends down hundreds of medical ships to earth to find and fix the population, sounds great right? Where did these ships come from????? Everyone on Elysium has a pod to repair any problems they may have had, no-one on Elysium wants to help earth, so why would they have a large resource sitting in a hanger bay???? And why the frig would anyone build them????

Don’t get me started on the way Max/Matt won……ok started! He rebooted the system which means the entire Elysium went down..Bit of back ground on where I am going, throughout the movie ships landed on the surface by coming through a field that quite obviously kept the atmosphere in….so….wouldn’t, when the system goes down, the oxygen vent straight out into space?? And secondly, the gravity generator would stop so everything that wasn’t tied down would simply woosh up into space. Lets quickly entertain the thought that the reboot happened and the systems were kick arse enough to get the field back into place quickly and the oxygen back into Elysium so that everyone could breath again. No matter how quickly this happened, surely with the brief lack of gravity and oxygen everyone would be lifted from the ground then as soon as the gravity was put back they’d be slammed back down again to the ground. There would be a shit load of bone breaks, bruises and internal injuries that surely a few of the hundreds of medical ships would be required for the citizens of Elysium!!!!! That AND my arse all the ships started! They wouldn’t have been started in over a 100 years, could you imagine them even turning over????


Apart from that, it was quite a good movie! I recommend seeing it!!

Oops. ok not so quick post.





The Walking Dead

How How How does something so disturbing get me so engrossed?….and grossed out?

It’s finally here, Season 4 of the Walking Dead!!!

And I’m living it again… it again…hmm odd. LOVING IT. (I like to leave some spelling errors in there if they make some odd sense) By the last season it was coming across that the producers of this show were just about trying to get more disturbing imagery so that the viewer would dream some pretty fucked up shit…yes I did start to dream about zombies a lot!!! So the end of last season couldn’t come fast enough for me! With a few months break I was ready again!!

This episode …. SPOILERS …. starts out with the prison community working well for once, there seemed harmony. BBQ, farming, stabbing zombies through a cyclone fence all the normal stuff that happens inside a prison. I was ready for some character development, alas it was not meant to be. Fairly quickly it started to rain zombies in a supermarket, a screwed up Clara tries to lure Rick to his demise and some weird shit happens within the peaceful community. That’s enough of the rap up of the episode, watch it you don’t need my inane babbling. It’s a great episode you can’t get it fast enough, if you haven’t watched Walking Dead before then I suggest you start at the beginning … how smart am I!

If you don’t want to do that, there isn’t that much to it. Rick wakes up after being shot, looks for his wife and kid, finds a world full of zombies, finds family, finds friends, ends up at a farm, farm gets screwed up, move on to prison, find other community, community not nice, they try to kill prison, prison fend off, prison happy. That’s it in a nutshell.

Now! What a lot of people don’t know about over here is the Talking Dead…No it’s not another spelling mistake! the Talking Dead is an after show wrap up hosted by Chris Hardwick. Chris hosts actors from the series, producers, directors, and other celebrities that have nothing to do with the show but just seem to want to be there. The show talks about what “could have happened”, what “has happened” and what “may happen”. Chris is a professional comedian and self proclaimed nerd, apart from that he does a great job at hosting Talking Dead and as much as I enjoy Walking Dead, the after show is nearly as enjoyable probably because it doesn’t freak the shit out of me as much.

Walking Dead and Talking Dead! Get into them Both!!!

Enjoyment rating 4 out of 5 for both.

walking dead

Buying a Bike & Stuff (Motor Style)

Coming up to a year ago I got my motorcycle licence. Something which my wife loved….ok maybe not so much but that’s a different story. What this is about is me actually getting out there and buying a bike and the gear that goes with it.

Firstly I didn’t skimp on gear. I got the gear I wanted both visually and for safety reasons.  I found the experience frustrating, awesome and painful all in one. What helped was to do homework, on the interweb and in store. Sales reps are out there to boost their figures and they are out there to let you know how good they are, 80% of the time they’re full of shit and just want to get a sale. I’ll try and give you a bit of knowledge that I picked up on the way, hope it helps.

Helmet – The thing that goes on your head! If you can’t figure that out….well let’s just say I think you’ll need it, and not just while riding the bike.

Like bikes….actually like everything on the planet, have a variation of price. Now with that variation of price comes a level of build quality with helmets. My thoughts are if I chanced to come off even at 10Kmh what would I want between my head and what ever I hit. I came up with a conclusion that I’d want something that would save my head. I know. Genius right!

Let’s start with style. This a lot depends on what type of riding you are going to do. If you are doing off road then you probably don’t want a full faced racing helmet, you’ll want an off road helmet. In this article I’ll focus on road bikes though.

Simply put.  Full Face, Flip Face or Open Face. In their inherent order of safety, they all though have their advantages and disadvantages.

Flip Face
Flip Face down Flip Face Up

The most interesting out the 3 types, it gives the wearer the ability to have both a full face helmet or by flipping the chin guard up and over gives an open face helmet. Sounds awesome right. Yeah well it is. BUT! With having a hinge on the helmet gives both a point of weakness and something to go wrong with your helmet. That being said, I’m not one to ride with an open face so it’s  pretty pointless for me. Like anything it’s about what you feel comfortable in.
examples – Nolan, Shoei, Bell & Shark

Full Face

Arai Full Faced

The safest. Pictured is my helmet. I love it. Super Comfy and well protected all round. Being a full faced, there is little to go wrong and apart from the visor and a couple of air vents there isn’t really much that can go wrong. Maybe I’m a bit biased because I own a  full faced but if you ask me, and I suppose you are if you are reading this then a full faced is the way to go.
examples – Arai, Shoei & Bell

Open Faced

Open Faced

Again, depends on what style of riding you do would depend on what type of helmet. If you are riding an R1 then it’s doubtful you’ll go for an open faced helmet just based on pure styling. If you are riding a big fat Harley then there is a chance you’ll prefer an open faced helmet because it looks cooler. Notice. It looks cooler. Not safer. If it’s safety you are after then this is certainly not the helmet you’ll choose. That being said, all helmets even open faced are subject to the same tests.

examples – Sparx, M2R, Shoei & LS2

What they’re made of? 

The shell is either plastic, kevlar, fibreglass or a mixture of them all or other materials mixed in. Cost wise goes some where around $50 to $1200+.

I’ll split the helmet into 2 levels with a rating from 1 to 5.

Abrasion resistance(AR), which is if you slide along the road then the helmet doesn’t wear away. Then there is Impact protection(IP), if you come off and you hit your head then helmets will have protection to save you from blunt force trauma to the head.

Plastic. You don’t have to be a scientist to figure out that the protection of a “plastic” helmet isn’t great, granted it’s not made of the same material that you get when getting a firemans helmet from a toy store but it’s not far off. Imagine getting hit in the head with a sledge hammer. What do you want to save you? Plastic? Yeeeeaah… No. AR – 1 IP – 1.

Let’s move on shall we?

Fibreglass. Better. High Impact Rating, meaning if you come off and hit your head on the road then this will protect you as it will spread the load of force over the helmet. It doesn’t have great abrasion rating though meaning if you slide down the road it will wear away,  but better than nothing and better than plastic. AR – 2 IP – 4.

Kevlar. Great abrasion resistance, sliding down the road won’t wear it away but it doesn’t spread the load of force so your head will hurt. Probably a lot. Just sayin. AR – 4 IP – 2.

Composites. Meaning they may have a mixture of materials to protect you from danger. It’ll have Kevlar to protect you from sliding along the road, and fibreglass to spread the load of force throughout the helmet and a number of other products to bind them together and protect.

They can be expensive though. Brands like Arai or Shoei are Japanese and they’re handmade. Though, what’s the cost of saving you from brain damage or even saving your life. Reason I bought an Arai, is that it was comfortable and it was going to protect me while still being affordable.

Some helmets don’t have face shields and some do,  a face shield is made of stuff you can see through and stuff that will save you from a rock through the eyeball simple as that. Think of a rock penetrating your ocular cavity then see if you can ride afterward.

Like the outside the inners can be made of different things too, usually styro with material covering. The big thing internally is shape and airflow. Airflow is needed when it’s either hot or cold, you don’t want to be all sweaty and gross on a hot day or sweaty and gross on a cold day.

Comfort. Your head shape is different to mine like it is different to your mates and everyone else. Obviously it’s costly to have a helmet made specifically for your head, so that’s most likely not an option. What is an option is trying helmets on. Wow. How smart am I! Ok I’m not that smart, someone told me when I was buying my helmet as I had my heart set on a Shoei. I had it on for 10 minutes in the store and it was uncomfortable, I then tried on an Arai and it fit like a glove. So my advice after over a thousand words is “Try it on!!” Wear it, wiggle it get advice from the store, get advice from multiple stores. What the sales rep tells you isn’t gospel, he wants to sell a helmet. You care about your head so care about your helmet. Spend a dollar, get a decent helmet.

I think that’s enough for now. There will be more posts in the future.


All to come…





The Aero Club

In simple terms, let me give you what I expect from a restaurant….Whether it be silver service or KFC…..I’d like to be able to say it’s a good idea to break it up into things such as quality of food, cleanliness, service or speed but the more I think about it, the more I think that is an impossible task. It all comes down to one thing and a variation of one thing.


I was going to explain why I rate things this way but it should be fairly self explanatory. So let me do my first review of a restaurant.

The Aero Club Bar & Restaurant.

Situated at Bundora Parade, Moorabbin Airport. Upon walking in, there is memorabilia on the walls of old pilot licences and nostalgic photos. Then you walk through to the bar and restaurant area which, for lack of better description, looks like a 1970’s RSL. I’m fairly certain the decor hasn’t been updated since then either. That’s pretty much where the negatives end. The food is great, the service is impeccable and the view is fantastic. Being able to sit and watch planes take off and land while enjoying good company and good food. What more can one ask for? I had oysters kilpatrick for entree followed by porterhouse steak for main and it’s what I’ll be having again soon.

It’s not pretty food, so if your expectations are food that you want to take a photo of, don’t go here. If its value for money and a well cooked steak then this is your place! The steaks and oysters are flown in so it’s all fresh. If your an Aero Club, it’d be silly not to. I’d be hard pressed to think of a place that I’ve had better oysters….actually that goes for the steak too.

I’d give it an enjoyment rating of 8 /10



Top Stuff

I find it interesting when people ask “If you had to pick one, what would be your favourite ‘insert topic here‘ “, whether it be Car, Song, Movie or TV Show. Inevitably a discussion emerges, usually starting with  “How can you pick just one, it’s impossible. There are so many different ones depending on mood/genre/usability etc”.

Lets face it, the question itself if just an excuse to speak about something that the person is interested in as they know full well that it’s bloody impossible to pick just one movie or one car.

Because there is no motivation to keep the conversation going in this situation, I am about to list the topics and pic one from each and tell you briefly why. You don’t have to agree, actually I’d be more than disappointed and astounded if you did, my taste in a lot of things leaves a crap load to be desired.

Bypassing the usual, is it for every day driving use? sports car? off road? luxury?, on a completely self absorbed state of mind, and without any foundation for my decision as I’ve never driven one, Ferrari 458 Spider. Why?… Glad you asked. It’s pretty. And it’s a friggen Ferrari! They are awesome and did I mention they are pretty.
Ferrrari 458 Spider

Magic Carpet Ride – Steppenwolf?It’s my happy song. Whenever I am feeling a bit down I’ll get in the car (Not a Ferrari) and Rock out to MCR! Try it, I find it hard not to smile and bob.

TV Show
Age has a lot to do with this topic. When I was 10 I would have said “V” or The A Team, growing up a bit my tastes refined a bit…. naaah just kiddin. Ok…I’m procrastinating…I’ve got to nut this out. Top 10. In no particular order. Castle, How I met your Mother, Chuck, Buffy, Star Trek, Dr Who, Big Bang Theory, Futurama, Walking Dead, Antique Roadshow (UK)….yes I know. “WTF” Love it. Can’t get enough of it. That’s my fave!! Antique Roadshow. I somewhat find it odd I like it too. Build a bridge, as stated before you don’t have to agree.

Hardest topic till last, so many genre’s…. Comedy, Sci Fi, Horror, Action, Drama, arrrggghh it’s too difficult. I’ll cheat here and split them. Now these are for pure entertainment and watch ability nothing to do with acting/directing ability.

Hot Tub Time Machine. Top movie, takes you back to the days of Better Off Dead, and I am a sucker for 80’s movies. 80’s music sucked arse balls, movies is where it’s at!!
Hot Tub Time Machine

Sci Fi
Star Wars – Empire Strikes Back. Closely followed by Star Trek (the new one) I know! Wow! Star Wars and a Star Trek fan….. is that fire falling from the sky?

Not one of my favourite genre’s being I’m a wuss and get freaked too easily. Buuuut, I’d have to say Event Horizon. Some reason I get jittery when I turn it on.
event horizon

Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. Fantastic movie and one I’d very much like to see in 3D. Judging by the depth of 3D in other martial art films I think it would be epic!!

(I made this genre up, deal with it)
The Matrix. Watched again just recently and this is one kick arse movie.

Back to the Future. There are very few trilogies that all 3 movies are at an epic level of entertainment.

Please….Grease. How can any one choose anything different. Though closely followed by Footloose.

Wow. Hardest one yet. Predator, Rocky, Terminator 2, Die Hard, The Avengers, Thor, Point Break, Top Gun, Oblivion….nah just kidding, that sucked to the essence of it’s damning time wasting core. what else…hmm Indiana Jones & the Raiders of the Lost Ark…nope that loses it due to the fact they destroyed a near perfect trilogy with friggen Aliens. Whoop! That’s it!! Aliens!!!! Kick Arse movie. If you’ve seen it, you’ll agree if you haven’t go and see it and you’ll agree!!!

Thought a few honourable mentions should be in order. Star Wars – A New Hope, Constantine, Alien, The Bourne Trilogy, Blade, Serenity, Goonies, Avatar, Breakfast Club, Blood Diamond, Harry Potter Movies, Sahara, Euro Trip (Best Cameo Ever!)…to name but a few must watches.

Now to name a few embarrassing movies that the Actors, Producers and Directors should be ashamed of. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Seriously WTF. Superman – Quest for Peace, Bluurk! Oblivion, (See last post) Atrocious. Star Wars Episode 1 through 3, makes me sick how bad someone could make a franchise. Shame on you George.

Ok that’s about it. That’s me signing off.





There are many and varied benefits to being a parent, whether it be playing with Lego, Video games, “kids” movies or just watching them grow…. yeah ok what ever. That being said, they all pale in comparison to being able to take them to a water park and be able to actually take them on rides. Quite honestly it doesn’t matter whether you take the kids or not I just had to make a reason up to speak about water parks.

My favorite so far. White Water World (WWW). It is the happiest place on earth. Rides vary from the Green Room, the Hydra Coaster, The Bro, The Toilet (I can’t remember what the one that drops you into a big spinney bowl is called, it looks like a giant toilet) all the rides are awesome. Apart from the blue one next to the mini toilets, that sucks arse.

That being said it is followed closely by Wet N’ Wild(WNW), in the past WNW looked like a theme park for rejected rides. All old and about as safe as the scenic railway at Luna Park! Since WWW came on board they have stepped up in a big way, and added rides like the Tornado, the Kamikaze, the Black Hole and others. If you look at the rides side by side you may think to yourself, meh they nearly look identical…well…you are right…..and wrong….

There is one thing that sets apart White Water World and makes it the best waterpark we have…..that is the lifty thing that drags your 4 person tube which weighs about the same as  one of your kids!! It’s all fun and games until you take your kids along and one of them can’t go on so you are left dragging up a 5 tonne tube for a 30 second ride!!!! Not Fun!!!

White Water World have actually thought about this, they have a lift that takes the hard work out….sort of… you still have to walk up about 20,000 stairs for the day. (HINT: Put in an escalator!!!)

Now here are my tips for either park.

1. If you must take your kids, make sure they can lift their own body weight. Get them to the gym now!!!
2. Go OUT of school holidays. It’s not fun when you pay $300+ to go on a half a dozen rides.
3. In summer, take thongs that you don’t care about. Yes your feet get red raw after a day on the hot concrete.
4. Fitness is needed, so get off your arse and get on the walker! Stairs are hell tiring.
5. Please wear body appropriate swim wear….nuff said.

Most of all, don’t delay. Book your flights. It’s a bucket load of fun.

whitewater-world Screen Shot 2013-07-30 at 5.02.12 PM WWW-Rides-LittleRippers-1pop


Where do I start? Hmm.. Disappointment. Yes that’s where. I haven’t been this disappointed in a movie since Prometheus and even then Prometheus wins in this race hands down. If I seem a bit negative towards this movies, that’s because I am, save yourself the 2 hours of tedium. I was totally looking forward to this movie, I thought kick arse! Action Sci-Fi, No…no no….What’s the opposite of that? That’s right! Shit.

In my comments on this movie there may be a few “spoilers”, but in all honesty there is nothing I could say that can spoil this movie. It’s happy doing that all by itself.

Let me give you the premise of the movie.?”One of the few remaining drone repairmen assigned to Earth, its surface devastated after decades of war with the alien Scavs, discovers a crashed spacecraft with contents that bring into question everything he believed about the war, and may even put the fate of mankind in his hands.” Written by Black Dahlia

The “aliens” that you think live on earth…. Aren’t aliens they’re human. The Aliens that you think they have the war with aren’t aliens. It’s a big red friggen eye in space. They don’t go anywhere cool. The best part of the movie is him taking off in his “Helicopter” backward over the edge, which get’s done too many times. Now I don’t want to waste any more time on this movie, it doesn’t deserve it. But! I’ll give you a few thoughts to think of after you watch this movie.

Why are there 2 seats in the “helicopter” if she’s not allowed in the friggen thing?? How does he attach the sleep pod to the underneath of the helicopter? That shit’s a 2 man job at least!?Who builds the house??If the big red eye has drones to build the power plants why wouldn’t he have drones to repair them??????Why does the big red eye need them??Who built the big red eye??On the inside of the alien space ship, who takes care of stuff? Surely the big red eye needs minions??

I can keep going forever, but I will leave with this last thought.

Why oh Why can’t they just make a simple kick arse Sci-Fi movie? It’s simple, don’t try and make it thought provoking! Just Guns, bombs, aliens and war.



Expresso Martini

I was about to start this blog with a negative, then I thought “no, screw it” let’s look at something positive in life. The papers, television, radio, even general conversation is full of that much negativity it drives a man to drink!! My positive thought….Espresso Martini!

So simple yet so good!

What’s needed?
Shot of Kahlua (Or other coffee liquor if you are a tight arse)
Shot of Vodka?, Espresso Coffee (I used a Nespresso Machine and used a standard pod)
Coffee Beans
Martini Glass
Shot measurer

Fill Martini Glass with crushed ice then set aside?3/4 fill cocktail shaker with ice?Put a shot of espresso coffee into shaker (I used Decaffeinated Nespresso Pods, if you use anything else you’ll be awake all night!!!)? throw in a shot of Kahlua?then a shot of Vodka (I put in the vodka second because it make the shot measurer look clean)
Whack the top on the cocktail shaker and then shake the shit out of that sucker!! For about a minute I would think?
Throw the ice out of the Martini glass then put a strainer over the glass, then slowly pour the mixture into the glass through the strainer.?There should be a nice fluffy head on the drink.?Drop 3 coffee beans on the top?.



Repeat process….

expresso martini
It’s a hard life, but if anyone has to do it….May aswell be me!!